Relation-Smith Podcast
Relation-Smith is a podcast where a husband and wife share their relationship through conversation — sometimes naming what’s happening between them, and sometimes simply letting it be experienced.
Hosted by Jamie and Stacey Smith, the show centers emotionally safe dialogue across a wide range of topics, from moments of tension and difference to lighter, everyday conversations. Rather than teaching or advising, Relation-Smith demonstrates what it can look like to stay curious, present, and connected over time.
Relation-Smith Podcast
Overthinking Called. It Wants Its Drama Back
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We explore how fear of the unknown distorts conversations and how naming it restores trust. From a text with our son to sitcom-style misunderstandings, we share simple steps to pause, get curious, and speak truth without inflaming defenses.
• defining fear of the unknown in relationships
• our son’s text and choosing sincerity over sarcasm
• taking people at their word to avoid rifts
• creating safe spaces that allow honesty to land
• lessons from 80s and 90s sitcom misunderstandings
• reaching out early instead of letting worry fester
• steps to preface hard talks with care and clarity
• using curiosity at home, with friends, and at work
Don’t forget to check us out on Spotify or Apple Podcast, whatever is your easiest access, or just visit us on Buzz Sprout on our website
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Laughter, Setup, And Theme
SPEAKER_01Hello and welcome to Relation Smith. I am Jamie Smith here with my brilliant wife, Stacy.
SPEAKER_03Hi guys.
SPEAKER_01I gotta say, right before we even got on, we were cracking up. We were doing mic checks and getting things ready, and she did this thing, and I'm like, and just to give you an idea, I love music. Like I got an award at this gym that we were going to because they couldn't stump me on music. Like they would put, they would even just play some of the craziest things, and I knew like the songs and all the words. Yeah, all the words. And my lovely wife is sitting here across from me and doing the mic checks, and she's like testing one, two, one, two, two. And what did you do?
SPEAKER_03Well, I tried to say super califragilistic expiella doches, but I stumbled over it and butchered it terribly. So then I just went into the Fergalicious song.
SPEAKER_00But but say it the way you were doing it, because I could not recognize that.
SPEAKER_03Please click.
SPEAKER_00It's great. No. She's like, super calip. And I was like, what is that? And then it's better than that. No, it was probably worse.
SPEAKER_01I love it. I love it. Um, that was great.
SPEAKER_03Welcome to the podcast. Yes, welcome. Which is a space where we share our relationship and the conversations we're having, sometimes about hard things, sometimes about lighter ones.
SPEAKER_01Lighter.
SPEAKER_03Always with the goal of staying connected.
Defining Fear Of The Unknown
SPEAKER_01Yes, and thank you so much. So that was just funny. We we should have some outtakes for real. I just need to hit record before we even start doing the mic checks and stuff because we crack up so much before and after sometimes. Today, what do you we're gonna talk? What are we gonna talk about, Bib?
SPEAKER_03Well, I think we said we were gonna talk about fear of the unknown.
SPEAKER_01Ooh, that sounds like a horror movie. Or suspense.
SPEAKER_03Maybe scarier than that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So w what do we mean by fear of the unknown?
SPEAKER_03Is it Well, I think in this scenario or in this context, it's more about when we're thinking about having a conversation with someone about something, and we are trying to anticipate their reaction. And I think a lot of times we can make more of it in our head than it needs to be.
SPEAKER_01Right. And so I think that's And then it gets blown out of proportion. Sometimes it's the It's us not saying it and building it up. And then when it actually does finally come out, it's even bigger sometimes because we and and it's because we've made it that big. When in fact, it probably wasn't that big of a deal. Now, or it wasn't that big of a deal when it finally comes out, but we've stressed ourselves out. We've caused so much cover-ups or misdirections or things of that sort because we're so afraid of the reaction.
SPEAKER_03The per the expected reaction.
SPEAKER_01The expected reaction, right. Which is usually not sometimes warranted, sometimes not.
SPEAKER_03Right.
Text From A Son: Owning Insensitivity
SPEAKER_01Yeah. It could be warranted by our past experiences, right? Might not even be the person that we're with, or the person that we want to have that conversation with, or need to have that conversation with. Sometimes it's like you know, like I want to I feel like I need to tell somebody something about how I felt in a certain situation that they did, and and I'm afraid. And then if I actually say it, it's my thing is not trying to hurt that person, my thing is maybe to build them up and say, hey, I felt kind of weird when you said it like that. You know, and then you had a situation like that with one of your kids recently.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I mean, so I know for my well, for myself, I've I've noticed that I've caught myself, right? Like anticipating a conversation and trying to anticipate the reaction and getting myself ready to give an answer, right, and for whatever may come up. And then I recognize that I'm getting defensive and well, I'm planning my my defense, right? And so I've learned to kind of handle that differently. And what happened with my son was he he sent me a text message earlier this week, and he said in the text message, there's something that you said that hasn't sat well with me.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03And then he proceeded to explain it, and he really sent a very long explanation of what it was that bothered him, why it bothered him, why he felt like it was an inappropriate thing for me to say.
SPEAKER_01And and this is one of our boys in college right now in Colorado, and he, you know, he's experiencing, you know, a bunch of new things and new stuff, and he was trying to reach out to his mom about a question, but he really didn't know. It was it was based off a re a question he had already asked you.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01You responded.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. He had asked me something and and the response I gave to him, he felt was like I said, maybe a little flippant, maybe insensitive. Anyway, so when I read his text, and now we're removed from the moment where I made the comment, right, and I was able to really consider that comment out of or just out of in and of itself, I realized, yeah, he was right. It was it did say sound insensitive. And so my response to him was something along the lines of, yeah, you're right. I don't know why I said that. And what was interesting was his response to that was, are you being sarcastic? Are you being sincere? So to which I responded, I'm you know, I'm I'm being sincere. And so I what I thought was interesting, and I did get to talk to him about it later, you know, and I asked him, I said, Well, what were you expecting? Yeah, I I said, it it seems from your response in the text that you weren't expecting you were expecting something different, a different response. Right. What were you, you know, sort of bracing for? And he said, Yeah, I guess I was expecting you to be either be sarcastic or just sort of like a yeah, blow it off, get over yourself kind of a response. Yeah. And so but the next thing I I I asked him, I said, so when I didn't respond that way, how did that hit you? And he said that and I thought this was really interesting. And keeping in mind this was all over text. We all know how hard it is to interpret tone over text.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
Choosing Trust Over Assumptions
SPEAKER_03But he he had to decide that he believed me.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03And that I tr said I was being sincere, that I was being sincere. Right. And that was I think very important. Very important to take people. I think it's important to take people at their word, not not try to interpret it.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03Because I think that can just cause div division or or rifts where there doesn't there j doesn't need to be. So I was really proud of him for that.
SPEAKER_01That's great. Yeah, that's you know, and I think it goes to creating like we've said before, and I think we've said it almost every podcast, creating that safe space, right? Yeah. Is you know, especially kids, they grow up and us as parents, we we set boundaries, we set, you know, rules and regulations, things that they need to follow, and this and that. As they get older, we loosen up on that, and we kind of create a new sense of like space for them. Sometimes good, you know, and from you know, as you've been growing personally, I know for myself as well, yeah, you know, been able to open an opportunity for them to be able to talk to us right in a way that's safe, yeah, and non-judgmental and not fear of like, are you kidding me right now?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, and I mean I think to your point, and w was that was it justified for him to have that expectation? Meaning would I have reacted that way in the past? Maybe. Probably, but you never I mean, I think that kind of goes to the point that I'm making, which is that you can never assume though. You can eat even if that person has a pattern of responding in that way, and you have all the evidence, you can never assume because maybe they've done some growing and and have changed.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03Right? I mean and even if they haven't, it just doesn't do anybody any good to to assume that you know what their reaction is.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because you know what assuming does.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
Safe Spaces And Changing Patterns
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we all know, but we won't say. Yeah, but you know, where do we learn this? Where do I mean how do we how do we all of a sudden get in this mode where we make mountains from molehills, right? You you mentioned earlier we were talking about it. That is the common theme of most 80 sitcoms. Oh, yeah. You could tell where we're, you know, you kind of we're dating ourselves a little bit, but 80 sitcoms growing up, they were like every episode. I mean, saved by the bell, fresh prince of bell.
SPEAKER_03I mean those are 90s. 90s, you're right. You're right.
SPEAKER_01Uh what are some other ones? Oh, Punky Brewster. Punky Brewster, growing pains. Yeah. Yeah. But what what what do you think? What is yeah, different strokes. What are some of those themes, babe?
SPEAKER_03Well, I always I have always said I I what I learned from 80s sitcoms was not to not to just overhear something and assume I know what what it's about. I I cannot, I feel like that's what to what you were saying, like the majority of the episodes was the main character heard something out of context, made it mean something about them or about their situation, and then spent the next you know 23 minutes trying to devise a way around it or a way over it or a way to avoid it.
SPEAKER_01And all along it was them probably planning a birthday party for it.
SPEAKER_03And it wasn't even what they thought. It wasn't even what they thought. Right. So my takeaway from that, being you know, being very young and impressionable when I was watching those was I never do that. I never just take something that I've overheard and assume. I always go to the person. Well, I either dismiss it or if it's that important, I go to the person instead of it. Right.
SPEAKER_01If it's somebody you're in a relationship with, I mean, you you were sharing that, you know, and you're you are very good at this, is that if you feel like something is like weird in the air with somebody that you love or you know that you're in a relationship with you reach out. Yeah. It's not just something that just stays.
SPEAKER_03I mean, if it's just a I don't let it no, I don't let it fester. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01If it's you know, if it's a you know, just somebody you're acquainting with or whatever, that's one thing. But like people you're close with, people that you love, respect, and honor, and and you know, you were saying Carmen even said something.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, one of my one of my best friends, she she didn't do anything.
SPEAKER_01Right.
Sitcom Lessons And Misread Signals
SPEAKER_03I perceived her to there was this one one time in our relationship where I felt like she was being a little short with me, and I thought she was mad at me. Right. Yeah, but and I couldn't figure out why. So I'm making a I don't know a molehole in my head, right? What did I do? Right.
SPEAKER_01So I felt You're even asking me, do you think I did something? Yeah, did did something did I not do something when we were at their house or blah blah blah? Right. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And finally I just I just reached out to her and said, Hey, our friendship is really important to me. If I if I've done something to upset you or offend you, would you please let me know what it is? Right. And she was like, What? What are you talking about? No, no, no, we're fine. But I know she appreciated that instead of less letting this something like fester in my brain that there's something something when there was nothing, right?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely nothing.
SPEAKER_03So and I think that is I think that's such a important way to help us help ourselves not go down that road.
SPEAKER_01Right. Because if it does, it could end up to being something even worse.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_03Can you imagine if I just w w thought there was something between us, I don't know what it is, so then I'm getting defensive, like, well, I didn't do anything, I don't know what she's mad at me, and then I go off on her, right? And then she's like Where did that come from? What the heck? I didn't say anything to you. Why are you mad at me? And then it blows up into a big thing, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, absolutely. Well, I mean, it could be the same with us. I mean, it's it's one of those things where I find that we if we don't talk, you know, that again the safe space, but being able to talk to you and be able to be open with you about stuff, uh you know, it's kind of one of those things we have to be able to when the offense happens, or we need to read the room, right? We can't just come all guns ablaze and saying, Hey, you know, you did this to make me feel unsafe or you kind of offended me or whatever. Or or if you're acting a certain way, keeping it silent or whatever, I think that sometimes I you know, you you just gotta it's it's both sides, right? I gotta be able to feel a little safe to be able to talk to you. And I think that it in order for me to talk to you, I also gotta understand that your reaction is not gonna be like seriously, bro? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03You mean like if you would come to me, like I went to Carmen and said, Hey, I feel like there's something, yeah. Yeah, for me, for you to you coming to me and me holding the space to let you Because then I think it's unsafe. Safe to say what you Yeah to say what you've been feeling and and because as we've been saying, that's that's more about you than it is about me.
SPEAKER_01Right, right.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
Steps To Defuse Fear And Speak Truth
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I know I appreciate the fact that when I say something to you, you know, I I feel like sometimes I feel like sometimes as we grow in a relationship, the things that come out of my mouth to you sometimes, I'm like, man, I feel will really comfortable with you. And so when I say certain things, as soon as I say and they like come out of my mouth, and then I'll look at your face like, was that too far? You know, and then I'll I'll sit there and you'll kind of smile and you kind of shake your head, and then I'm like, you're all right with what I just said, right? And you're like, Yeah, sure. That's that's awesome. And I'm like, Yes, greatest wife ever, you know? But I mean, you know, you've created that for me. I can say something to you, and your reaction's not like, how dare you, or you know, or ready to like, you know, that's why I feel I feel like it's okay, you know, or if I do see you struggling with something. First off, if I see you struggling with something, I I'll come up to you, I'm like, hey, are you okay? You're like, fine. And I'm like, did I do something? You're like, no. No. I'm like, okay, good. So who are we gonna go beat up?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, it's almost never you. But yeah, I think it's it happened again. I lost my train. That's all right. I feel like it's once an episode, it has to happen.
SPEAKER_01At least once. It's okay, I get it. But one of the things that happened to me in my past, I used to be in a band back in 2005, 2006, and we, you know, we were growing strong. Uh loved being with these guys. They were my brothers, they're still my brothers, even though I haven't talked to them forever. You know, they're the kind of guys you could just call and they're like, yeah, let's go. But I remember there was a point in time in the band that we were getting it, it was getting kind of hard for our schedules to line up, and and my heart wasn't really all that into it anymore, and they kind of saw that, and so there was this kind of like struggle. I felt like it was time for me to step down, but I avoided it like the plague, because I'm like, I'm letting these guys down. Yeah, and so all you didn't want to disappoint them. Oh, I didn't want to disappoint, I would avoid them when I would see them. I would kind of like, hey, so you know, and I would change the subject about something, they would do the same thing to me. And so what's funny is that we I kept on building this thing up, and building this thing up, and I'm I'm serious, this is a heart attack. When I had this conversation, when I finally sat down and had this conversation, I was shaking. Like I was so scared, and I was like, I I think it's time for me to step away. He goes, No. I was like, Yeah, he goes, and I was like, what is that? He goes, because we've been struggling on how we were gonna tell you we think it might be time for you to step away. And I'm like, uh-uh. He's like, yeah. He said, man, Ryan and myself, we've been so freaked out about it, you know, and trying to figure out because you're a brother, we didn't want to let you down, but we also wanted to kind of like, hey, you know, we're wanting to go in this direction, and you're kind of wanting to go in this. And and I was like, oh my gosh.
Curiosity At Work And At Home
SPEAKER_03So you were both worried about hurting each other. Yes. When you were really wanting the same thing.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Exactly. And it it was just it was so funny, and I tell that story quite often when it when people have this thing they they feel like they need to share, and they don't because of this fear, you know. And but, you know, what are some steps that we can do that we can take that could probably help us alleviate that fear?
SPEAKER_03Yeah, I know for me, when I and I started talking about this earlier, and so to come back to it, when I notice myself. Doing that, just anticipating a a conversation and and preparing my defense against the reactions that might might get. I when I notice that I I pause. I I take a step back and I ask myself, okay, what am I really worried about here? What am I really afraid of? And I feel like when I do that, it slows it down enough that I can realize that I can just say the truth. And part of the truth that I feel like really helps is naming the thing that I'm afraid of.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_03So a lot of times I will approach the conversation with hey, I'm I've been really nervous to talk to you about this because I am afraid that you're gonna be disappointed or you're gonna be hurt. And I don't want that. But I need to let you know XYZ.
SPEAKER_00Right.
SPEAKER_03And that diffuses the situation for me. I feel like it diffuses a situation for them for them to know that I can like I care how this is gonna impact you. That that this has been hard for me because I care.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03But here's the truth, and it just really sets the tone. And I can just say the truth. I don't have to beat around the bush. I don't have to prop it up with all kinds of explanations or defenses. I can just say it plainly. And that and I've noticed in myself when I have that realization of I can just say the truth.
Gratitude And Listener Invitation
SPEAKER_01It's like a yeah, yeah, it is like that conversation with me and my friends, it's the same thing. Once we realized we were on the same page, it was, it was this collective sigh of relationships. Right, you know, and then there was this buildup. I believe that if we would have both did what you said is take a pause, identify the fear, and then understand where that fear's coming from, and then think of what's the worst that's gonna happen, you know. And then take a deep breath. And then and then I think w to your point, which I think is brilliant, is the idea of prefacing man, I I'm nervous about this, and I I want you to understand the way this is coming out, it might not come out the way I am intending it to, but this is how I feel about this, and then say whatever it is.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Well, I think and uh also naming you know what you're afraid of. I'm afraid I'm gonna disappoint you. I'm afraid that you'll be angry. I'm afraid that, you know, because even I do kind of hesitate a little bit with the I'm afraid this is gonna. I'm afraid this is gonna offend you. I use that sparingly because I feel like that automatically like we talked about that another episode. That automatically puts their them on the defense.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like, oh, here it comes. Well, that's the one that was our first episode. Yeah. Where I said I said that to you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, I know you're gonna be mad at this, but so I use that one sparingly.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no, no, you're right. That's probably not the best thing. Matter of fact, it's funny. I was talking with one of my coworkers, she listened to the first episode, and she came back with Yeah, probably not the best thing to ever start with. Sorry, this might offend you, but or this might make you mad, but she goes, Oh, I've used that one before. Probably not a good way to start. I'm like, nope, and I've learned my lesson. I said, but I'm sure I'm gonna end up doing it again in the future. I just hope we can remember and laugh at this point. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03But to your, I mean, when you say like, what's the worst that could happen, right? And it it really is I mean, the worst that could happen is the the relationship is damaged. Yeah. No, none of us want that.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_03Right. And that's I think the main fear is we don't know if what we're about to say is gonna damage the relationship.
SPEAKER_01Right. And to quote, you know, the truth will set you free, right? It really does. Because if you are upfront and you're honest and you're truthful, and I'm not talking about and we've said this before, not brutal honestly. That's that's so like ugh. No, but honest, meaning that it it needs to you can't keep dodging it because again, that is something that festers, that's something that gets inside of you, and then to your point about you and you know, if if you just kept it in and never spoke with Carmen, all of a sudden something blows up. And she's like, What in the heck just happened?
SPEAKER_03Nothing turns into something, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Right, exactly, exactly. Yeah, so it's it's just one of those things that I think we just have to A just do the steps like you were saying, identify, take a pause, identify, find out what's underneath, and then prepare and then preface with I care about you. Yeah, and this is why I am struggling to tell you this. Yeah. Eric, your son, his his was the I I loved it, you know, and for us, it we're so proud of him, you know. He just you see this maturity growing in him. And he, you know, for him to say to you, you know, you said something to me, and I'm not sure how to take it. Yeah, but I need to think through this before I actually tell you what it is.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah. He didn't know. You know, and I thought Yeah, yeah, so yeah. Oh my gosh, I didn't even realize that until you just said that. So he did that. He he prefaced it with Yeah, I this I've been not sure how to say it, but I'm ready to try.
SPEAKER_01Absolutely.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And then and then you're like, What did I do?
SPEAKER_03Oh yeah. Oh, that's right, because he said that and then he didn't tell me for days.
SPEAKER_01It was like a couple days later when he actually were all off and she she was caught up in stuff, and then he was he was in um exams, and so there was like this hard for them to reconnect, and then and then all of a sudden when they finally connected, and it was driving her crazy too, not like majorly, but she's just like gosh, what did I do? What did I say? I don't know what's happening, uh, what's going on. Yeah, and then and then but but it was it it didn't make you go on the defense. It made you wonder I wonder, you know, what I might have done.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, well I got curious, which we do talk a lot a lot about. And it's interesting when you were I thought you were going somewhere else with that because I did think of him in another situation where, you know, with with work and the schedule changed and he was feeling a little frustrated with it. And so I just, you know, he he called me feeling frustrated, and he doesn't sometimes he just wants to tell me how he feels and I've learned to listen.
SPEAKER_02That's right.
SPEAKER_03But sometimes he asks me, what you know, what do you think I should do, and I got to tell him this, you know, my advice was this exactly, like do go in there with before you get angry, go in there with curiosity and c saying to your boss, I care about this job.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_03I love being someone you can depend on, but this schedule is you know, whatever it was, and can we talk about it? Right. Right. So that's so this works with not just with your partner, but it can work in your job situation. Yeah, it can work with your kids, you know, your friends, etc.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. That was great. It was great, and just showed so much growth in him and you as well. And I'll take that. Yeah, there you go. I mean, you're brilliant. It's an inside joke. We were talking about that earlier. I gotta make sure, because you are, you're beautiful and brilliant, and I love you. I love you too. Thanks again for joining us. We are so glad that you were here with us. And man, if you got anything out of this, we are glad. And we are so happy. We're this is our sixth episode, so we're having a good time. Don't forget to check us out on Spotify or Apple Podcast, whatever is your easiest access, or just visit us on Buzz Sprout on our website. And uh, man, thank you again for joining us here on Relations Mess.
SPEAKER_03Like and subscribe.
SPEAKER_01Like and subscribe. Have a great, great day. Talk to you soon.